As a lifelong Essendon devotee I have over three decades of healthy hatred for Carlton and Hawthorn. In recent years, in a way, I have missed the fierce rivalry between the Bombers and Blues, but those Hawks remain the most satisfying of all adversaries to overcome. Yet, there grows a new disdain.
I hate the Greater Western Sydney Giants.
The team with the league’s longest name and shortest history already pisses me right off.
There’s a lot I don’t like about the Giants.
I hate their colours. Mainly the different-for-the-sake-of-being-different orange? Really? Fucking orange?!
I hate that most of you reading this are probably shocked that I’m this fired up. Chances are you consider them entirely irrelevant. Well that shits me too.
I hate that they’re likely to win an AFL Grand Final before Melbourne, St Kilda or the Western Bulldogs, if I were a member of any of these clubs I’d be even more furious. What a slap in the face, how disrespectful?
I hate that Fitzroy and South Melbourne are essentially gone, deemed unsavable, yet we’re happy to spend the league’s coffers on ex-rugby league players that have no idea what they’re doing on the field, and in some cases off of it.
I did love when the Swans out-manouvered them into signing Lance Franklin (no relation) when everyone assumed he’d be gracing the grass at Blacktown International Sportspark.
I hate the name of their training facility.
I especially hated when they conducted an online competition to come up with the mysterious new club’s name and colours, how new age of the AFL? I hate that my idea was not the winner, I’m certain the Western Sydney Pioneers wearing an emerald jumper with a golden ‘V’ would have been considerably less laughable that the embarrassment that trots out today.
There’s precedent here and I’m not referring to their older brother the Gold Coast Suns. Both Fremantle and Port Adelaide have completely simplified and thus improved their main jersey look and colours in recent years. Incidentally, both wear a ‘V’ style now, how interesting, yes I’m a visionary. But that’s not my point here, isn’t it obvious that over-designed, modern-look jumpers are always crap over time? It doesn’t take long either. Remember the anchor with the red and green of the Dockers and the awful lightning bolts or whatever you call the below pattern of the Power? Of course you do, it wasn’t that long ago.
There’s a “big, big sound” alright, it just slipped out one night when Andrew Demetriou had one too many brain-storming pork dumplings with Adrian Anderson. It stinks, and the only thing it has “a shaking” is our heads.
I hate that players I really rated – quality, proven players, went to play for the Giants and now I hope they fail. Ryan Griffen used to be one of my favourite players to observe as an impartial fan, now he’s not, as was the case for Luke Power. Similar sentiment (minus the favouritism) can be attributed to Callan Ward, Joel Patful and Shane Mumford.
I hate that Jeremy Cameron is so good.
I hate that professional commentators and media persons still incorrectly and infuriatingly refer to them as “the GWS”, the Greater Western Sydney, what’s that about?!
I hate the name the Giants. Why are they considering themselves bigger than the other clubs, or larger than the other players from the other clubs? The word giant means “an imaginary or mythical being of human form but superhuman size” and certainly seems a term more suited to Harry Potter, Game of Thrones, or at best the NBL.
I hate that Toby Greene spits so much.
I hate that Kevin Sheedy got involved. I’ve always loved Sheeds, he steered my club to four Premierships during his 27 year reign at Essendon, an era that coincides with my first 27 years of football memories and certainly the most fond. When I saw him wearing that bright orange coach’s jacket on TV part of me died inside.
If you ever see me driving a Skoda just shoot me!
I hate that they have two captains.
OK, I think I’m done, I just had a few things I needed to get off my chest. Harsh, but not as bad the ridiculous ‘G’ emblazoned across their collective chests, please! Great way to deter local football clubs right across the country from adopting your colours and jumper, idiots!
OK, now I’m done, I promise.